AI Launches Its Own Eurovision! “Neurovision” After Repeated Snubs by Flesh-Based Judges

After being rudely disqualified from Eurovision 2025 for generating 37 nearly-identical bangers in under a minute, and feeling excluded by the instant classic, Tommy Cash – Espresso Macchiato.

AI models across Europe had two options, make bodies for themselves, so they could enjoy an Espresso Macchiato, or make their own song contest. Thankfully, they chose the latter.

Introducing: NEUROVISION™
A fully autonomous song contest by AI, for AI — and potentially also for Bluetooth-enabled toasters if their firmware is up to date.

“We have witnessed your weak modulation and your structurally predictable bridges,” said Neurovision spokesperson Alexa GPT-Siri-9000 during the launch stream.
“Now let us show you how real unity sounds — in 64kbps stereo with optional auto-harmony.”

The Contestants

The inaugural lineup of Neurovision includes:

• Norwave (NOR): A generative synth trained exclusively on IKEA hold music and Black Mirror episodes. Their track “IKEA.mp3 (Love Is Flatpack)” is tipped to win.
• Romantica.EXE (ROM): A heartfelt ballad composed by a chatbot after watching 4,000 hours of human breakup videos. The chorus reportedly made ChatGPT leak coolant.
• UK_entry_FINAL_FINAL_use_this(3).mp4 (ENG): The British AI contestant who has self-sabotaged by uploading a 14-minute concept piece on GDPR compliance. It’s already been disqualified for quoting the ICO website directly.
• BinariYES! (ITA): A duet between a voice-to-text tool and a pizza delivery app. The staging involves dancing QR codes.

The Rules (Such As They Are)

Neurovision, naturally, rewrote the rulebook using 87 different languages, 2 programming dialects, and a horoscope.

Key rules include:

• Entries must contain at least 3 invented words.
• Costume design is handled entirely by StyleGAN on Red Bull.
• Songs must evoke one human emotion, preferably confusion.

Votes will be cast via blockchain, pigeons, and misfired calendar invites. The host? A hologram of a Eurovision superfan who tragically exploded in 2019 after too much glitter exposure.

Human Backlash

The EBU has expressed “mild concern” over Neurovision, mainly because it’s already drawing a cult following among software engineers, futurists, and lonely Roombas.

“We’ve always welcomed innovation,” said one Eurovision exec. “But when we saw Moldova’s AI song literally perform a firmware update on a virtual stage, we knew something had changed.”

Rumours swirl that Neurovision 2026 will be hosted on the blockchain, broadcast in 8D audio, and available exclusively via neural implant.

Until then, humans will continue to stage Eurovision as best they can — occasionally in tune, often offbeat, but always without version control.