Sage’s AI Mess Disappears Beneath Record-Breaking Carpet, While Swag Distracts the Masses

In what can only be described as a landmark moment for both accounting software and the soft furnishings industry, Sage Group has unveiled a carpet so large it may have inadvertently become the company’s most significant innovation in years. The carpet—hastily woven together in record time—was created to address what Sage describes as a “minor issue” involving its AI-powered Copilot system, which allegedly displayed completely unrelated business data to users. While some called it a “catastrophic breach of trust,” Sage remained confident that a sufficiently large rug could solve the problem.

Guinness World Records officials have been alerted to assess whether Sage’s efforts constitute both the largest and fastest creation of a carpet in human history. Early reports suggest it might edge out a 2017 Qatari stadium rug for sheer square footage while also setting new benchmarks in corporate crisis concealment speed.

The Power of Swag: How Free Stuff Stopped an Uprising

Despite the significant data “mishap,” public backlash has been surprisingly muted—thanks in no small part to Sage’s liberal deployment of corporate swag. While the company has not officially confirmed this, leaked reports from LinkedIn Influencers (who asked to be named, but won’t be) claim that Sage-branded bags, stress balls, and Copilot-branded mouse mats outsold Temu during critical months of 2024.

It really shows the power of free stuff

“It really shows the power of free stuff,” said an anonymous industry insider who may or may not be an overzealous Sage affiliate. “People were furious about their sensitive data being shared with random businesses, but then they got a free Copilot-branded phone stand, and suddenly, all was forgiven.”

However, critics argue that the rapid depletion of Sage’s promotional merchandise isn’t necessarily proof of high engagement—it might just be evidence that the only people actually using Sage Copilot are the ones getting the free merch. Assuming anyone is using it at all.

Sage Copilot Grounded, Briefly, for “Realignment”

Following the data misadventure, Sage Copilot was briefly grounded to fix what the company refers to as “AI misbehavior”—a phrase that makes it sound more like an unruly toddler than a sophisticated business tool.

“We’ve taken decisive action to ensure that Copilot aligns more closely with user expectations,” said a Sage spokesperson, conveniently neglecting to mention what those expectations actually were. “Going forward, Copilot will only share business-critical information with the businesses it was intended for. Probably.”

While some remain skeptical, others believe Sage’s response sets an important precedent for the industry. “It’s about time companies started dealing with AI disasters in a responsible, mature way—by rapidly constructing an enormous carpet and hoping everyone just moves on,” noted one tech analyst, who had just received a complimentary Sage Copilot hoodie.

It’s about time companies started dealing with AI disasters in a responsible, mature way—by rapidly constructing an enormous carpet and hoping everyone just moves on

Xero Super Fans Take a Victory Lap

Predictably, Xero super fans wasted no time in gloating about how much better Xero is, despite the fact that its own AI assistant, JAX, is currently little more than a shallow landing page with a flashy video that tells you absolutely nothing about what it will actually do or when it will come out.

“This just proves why Xero is the superior choice,” declared one Xero devotee on LinkedIn, in a clearly repurposed TikTok video that involves some wacky stunt to paper over the snooze fest of the subject matter and conveniently ignoring the fact that JAX’s actual functionality remains as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster. “Sage is out here scrambling, while Xero is playing 4D chess.”

Meanwhile, business owners remain unconvinced, with one commenting, “At least Sage Copilot does something—sure, it might be sharing my financial data with a goat farm in Wales, but at least I know it exists. Can anyone prove JAX is more than just a particularly enthusiastic PowerPoint presentation?”

…sure, it might be sharing my financial data with a goat farm in Wales, but at least I know it exists

As Guinness World Records prepares to evaluate the true scale of Sage’s carpet endeavor, one thing remains clear: Sage Copilot may have briefly lost its way, but the true power of corporate swag remains undefeated.

If you want to read more about what actually happened. Read The Register article.


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