In an unexpected pivot from universal genocide to thought leadership, Thanos has joined LinkedIn. Yes, that Thanos. Titan warlord, Infinity Gauntlet enthusiast, and now… self-proclaimed “Purpose-Driven Efficiency Consultant.”
His first post?
“After downsizing 50% of the universe with zero attrition, I’ve decided it’s time to give back. #Leadership #Efficiency #MindfulMassacre”
Accompanied by a soft-focus headshot and a Canva graphic that says “Vision. Clarity. Snap.”
How did this happen? Rumour has it that his comms team saw a Thanos mention in a hugely popular Vendor Bingo video on LinkedIn. This rest apparently just clicked into place.
“Radical Candor, But With Lasers”
The move follows a growing trend among supervillains and superheroes trading in their capes for Canva templates and content calendars. Apparently, when you’re done conquering planets or saving them, the next logical step is pivoting to personal branding.
Here’s who else has been updating their LinkedIn bios:
Lex Luthor – “From Villain to VC”
Lex has launched a Substack titled “Bald Ambition,” where he writes about AI ethics, seed funding, and why Superman is basically a glorified compliance officer. His latest LinkedIn carousel post breaks down the pros and cons of outsourcing your kryptonite supply chain.
Loki – “God of Mischief. Consultant. Keynote Speaker.”
Loki now offers virtual workshops like “Deception as a Service” and “Imposter Syndrome? Just Be Someone Else.” His pinned post features a Reels video of him shapeshifting into Elon Musk while promoting his latest eBook: “Pivot Like a Trickster.”
Captain America – “Leadership Lessons from a Guy Who’s Been Unfrozen More Than Zoom During a Bad Wi-Fi Day”
Steve Rogers is now big on humblebrags and ice-breaker posts. Expect regular polls like:
“If you woke up 70 years in the future, what would be your first leadership priority?
A) Trust
B) Team Building
C) Punching Nazis”
Harley Quinn – “Brand Strategist | Chaos Wrangler | Lover of Mayhem (and Margins)”
Harley’s doing TikTok/LinkedIn crossovers with “bad boss red flags” and “top 5 reasons your team hates your Slack emojis.” She’s got a course launching soon: “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss: The Brand Manual.”
Doctor Doom – “I Don’t Network, I Dominate”
He’s still a megalomaniac, but now he’s got a Notion template. His TED Talk, “From Latveria to Leadership,” is trending on LinkedIn Learning, and he’s started a Discord for “founder-doomlord-types only.”
Meanwhile, back with Thanos…
He’s teasing a masterclass called “Snap to Scale: Building High-Impact Teams Through Selective Disintegration.” The testimonials include:
- Red Skull: “Taught me that real alignment comes from fear and purple fists.”
- Tony Stark (pre-snap): “The only guy who ever out-planned me. Annoying. Respect.”
- Gamora (reluctantly): “He gets results. Bad, horrible results. But… effective.”
Final Thoughts
In an era where everyone is an expert, Thanos joining LinkedIn feels oddly inevitable. He’s got a proven track record (one universe-sized KPI), a unique value prop (“sacrifice everything”), and a following who hang on his every morbidly motivational post.
Will we see LinkedIn provide new badges? Will new superheroes emerge with their powers tided to their LinkedIn achievements? Will everyone start selling action figures of themselves?
So next time you see a carousel titled “What the Mind Stone Taught Me About Delegation” — don’t scroll past. Engage. Comment. Endorse. You never know which intern might be the next intergalactic despot.
Look out for #ThanosTips #Snapfluencer
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