Man Mistakes WikiTok for TikTok, Accidentally Becomes a Genius

Local man and previously bang average man from Burnley in the UK, Dan Reynolds, 32, is in the process of applying to Mensa after an unfortunate mix-up led him to win his local pub quiz single-handedly. The incident began when Reynolds, a self-proclaimed “chronically online” individual, attempted to download TikTok to waste a few hours watching raccoons steal food and teenagers set off fireworks in inappropriate locations. Instead, due to a tragic case of fat fingers and an overactive autocomplete, he found himself scrolling endlessly on WikiTok—the new web app that turns Wikipedia into an infinite short-form video feed.

“I was just trying to find that one guy who makes steak while looking deeply disappointed in the camera,” said Reynolds. “Next thing I know, I’m learning about the Byzantine Empire’s tax policies, and I physically cannot stop.”

The Descent into Knowledge

Over the next 48 hours, Reynolds claims he experienced what can only be described as a “hyper-intellectual fugue state.” Initially attempting to swipe past historical and scientific topics in search of viral dance trends, he soon found himself drawn into Wikipedia’s hypnotic vortex. What started as a quick skim of the War of the Austrian Succession spiraled into deep dives on quarks, the socio-political impact of beaver fur trading, and a surprisingly emotional biography of an obscure 19th-century Norwegian botanist.

“I blacked out at some point, and when I came to, I knew the GDP of every country on Earth and could name all 206 bones in the human body,” he admitted. “I still can’t explain why, but I have very strong opinions about 16th-century naval warfare now.”

Pub Quiz Domination

It wasn’t until Reynolds stumbled into his local pub quiz—primarily for the beer and because his WiFi was down—that he realized the extent of his transformation. Playing solo against the reigning champions (a team of four retired librarians), he proceeded to obliterate every round, offering not only the correct answers but also unsolicited yet disturbingly in-depth explanations.

“Usually, we expect one or two smart alecks who know a bit about flags and the periodic table,” said quizmaster Jeff Dawkins. “But this guy? He was reciting Hamlet’s ‘To be or not to be’ speech in Old English. I had to check Google three times to make sure he wasn’t making stuff up.”

Reynolds clinched victory when he correctly identified both the longest and shortest reigning monarchs in British history while simultaneously explaining the mechanics of the Black-Scholes option pricing model. He then immediately used his winnings—a £20 bar tab—to purchase another few pints and inform everyone present that yeast is technically a fungus and therefore beer is “biologically fascinating.”

The Mensa Application

Following the quiz, several patrons (and one deeply unnerved bartender) suggested Reynolds apply to Mensa, the society for individuals with high IQs. Initially skeptical, he checked the requirements, only to realize he now had a firm grasp on combinatorics, astrophysics, and the migratory patterns of the Greenland shark—all knowledge gleaned from his accidental WikiTok binge.

“I figured, why not?” said Reynolds. “Worst case scenario, I get rejected, and I go back to doomscrolling cat videos like a normal person.”

At press time, Reynolds was last seen attempting to monetize his newfound intellect by offering online courses titled “How to Win Any Argument Using 18th-Century Economic Theory.” Meanwhile, WikiTok developers issued a formal statement reminding users to “use responsibly” after several similar cases of unexpected erudition were reported worldwide. One affected user was said to have emerged from a WikiTok binge fluent in Latin and requesting a duel “for honor.”

In unrelated news, TikTok engagement numbers have apparently plummeted, with former users complaining that “none of the videos explain the intricacies of constitutional law.”

To read more accurate news about Wikitok, then click this link.