China’s New AI Hats Can Read Your Mind: Finally, a Hat that Knows You’re Pretending to Work

Great news for managers everywhere and terrible news for anyone who’s perfected the art of looking busy: China has unleashed AI-powered hats that can reportedly read your brainwaves. That’s right, your days of quietly contemplating lunch menus and Netflix series at work are numbered.

According to recent reports, Chinese tech companies are now rolling out wearable AI headgear designed to monitor workers’ emotional states, productivity levels, and—presumably—how much they secretly loathe team-building exercises. Forget mood rings; we’re in the era of the “mood hat.” Imagine a world where your manager doesn’t just guess you’re bored—they get a notification about it.

Employees might find solace in knowing the technology is still developing. For now, it reportedly only identifies basic emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, and stress. No word yet on whether it can detect the existential dread of opening Outlook on a Monday morning.

Privacy advocates have predictably raised alarms, concerned about mental autonomy, invasive data practices, and, of course, the very real risk of AI judging your questionable taste in true crime podcasts. Yet, corporate China insists it’s all for employee wellness and productivity, conveniently omitting the part where your annual review might soon include brainwave analytics graphs.

Future improvements may see the AI hats offering gentle nudges or even alerts when you’re daydreaming. Picture a voice softly whispering, “Back to work, Steve,” every time you drift off into fantasies of quitting to start an artisanal cheese farm.

So, buckle up for this brave new world where your hat could be tattling on you. And remember, if you’re worried about privacy, there’s always the option of not thinking at all. Seems easy enough, right?

Inspired by Why you could soon be wearing a Chinese voice-logger that records everything you say and do in The Independent