Silicon Valley Chancer Raises $100M Using AI-Generated Pitch Deck Based on Dog Man Book

In a shocking display of just how far venture capitalists will go to fund absolute nonsense, a self-proclaimed ‘visionary’ tech bro has successfully raised over $100 million in funding using an AI-generated pitch deck allegedly based on a Dog Man book. Yes, the beloved children’s graphic novel series about a half-dog, half-man cop has now inadvertently spawned a biotech startup promising to ‘redefine the future of everlasting life’—by surgically attaching human heads onto their preferred animal bodies.

The startup, aptly named ChimeraX, claims to be developing world-changing technology that will allow ultra-wealthy individuals to bypass the boring limitations of the human body and embrace ‘transcendental hybridization.’ According to their now-viral pitch deck, humans have “long been burdened by the inefficient design of the bipedal form” and deserve the chance to “upgrade” into superior animal configurations.

Leaked slides from the presentation boast ambitious case studies, including a hedge fund manager choosing the ‘panther package’ for increased agility and an influencer opting for a flamingo frame to “maximize beach aesthetics.” The slides also include very convincing anatomical diagrams, which, upon closer inspection, appear to be slightly modified illustrations from Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties.

Investors Eat It Up, Because Of Course They Do

Despite the glaring absurdity of the proposal (or perhaps because of it), the pitch was met with overwhelming enthusiasm from VC firms eager to get in on the next big thing in biotech. “This is the type of bold, disruptive thinking we look for,” said one investor who requested anonymity, likely due to an ongoing SEC investigation. “The potential for human-canine synergy alone is incredible.”

Among the backers is a Dubai-based investment group that previously funded a company selling ‘metaverse real estate’ and an eccentric billionaire best known for trying to build a floating libertarian city in international waters. Reports indicate that several prominent celebrities and tech moguls have expressed private interest, with one well-known GPU CEO allegedly already securing a first edition alligator body ahead of the official product launch. This rumor, if true, suggests the possibility of a reptilian billionaire terrorizing the semiconductor industry in the near future.

The Science Behind It? Mostly Vibes and AI Art

Skeptics argue that the science behind ChimeraX’s revolutionary ‘cranial relocation procedure’ remains murky at best. While the company claims to have a research lab working ‘tirelessly’ on the technology, independent analysis of their published white paper suggests that a good 40% of the diagrams were generated by Midjourney, and the remaining text is mostly buzzwords recycled from old Singularity University lectures.

Medical professionals are, understandably, less than thrilled about this development. “This is both medically impossible and ethically horrifying,” said Dr. Angela Tomlinson, a neurosurgeon who described the venture as ‘essentially Frankenstein fanfiction with a higher budget.’ “But given the way things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if they IPO before they even build a prototype.”

What’s Next?

Despite mounting criticism, ChimeraX is pushing forward, with early adopters being encouraged to sign up for a waiting list—assuming they can pass a very rigorous credit check. Insiders claim that plans are already underway to roll out a beta testing phase in 2026, with ‘early access’ going to select clients in tax-friendly jurisdictions.

Meanwhile, industry watchdogs remain baffled that investors continue to throw money at ventures whose entire concept hinges on a third-grader’s book report. But as history has shown, if there’s one thing Silicon Valley loves more than innovation, it’s making something dumb sound important enough to fund.

Not Enough Bread will continue monitoring this story, especially if further evidence emerges confirming the existence of an alligator-bodied billionaire in the coming months.

Until then, be terrified by this AI generated nightmare fuel. You’re Welcome!