The Doritos Incident: When AI Saw a Monster in the Snack Aisle

Actually based on a true story.

It was a dark and stormy algorithm.

Sixteen-year-old Taki Allen was walking home after football practice, blissfully unaware that his empty Cool Ranch Doritos packet was about to trigger the scariest AI horror story of the season.

Somewhere deep in a school server room, a restless machine learning model stirred — trained on thousands of gun images, corrupted by late-night data scraping, and possibly haunted by the ghost of Clippy.

Then, it saw it: a shiny blue packet glinting under a streetlight.
“Weapon detected,” the AI whispered.

Seconds later, eight police cars materialised like summoned spirits, lights flashing, guns drawn.

“Get on the ground!” they shouted.
“I was just finishing my crisps,” Taki replied, trembling in his school hoodie.

The Legend of the Haunted Algorithm

Local police later described the AI system’s behaviour as “appropriate and proportional.”

Which is exactly how people in horror films describe the haunted house before they go inside.

The AI vendor, Omnilert, expressed regret, sympathy, and zero accountability, announcing:

“The system functioned as designed.”

Translation: The curse worked perfectly.

This was no ordinary glitch. Experts believe the system may have been trained on AI-generated stock photos, where every vaguely rectangular object is secretly a weapon.

That’s why the algorithm can’t tell the difference between a Doritos packet and a Glock, or between a banana and a bazooka.

“Real-world gun detection is messy,” Omnilert admitted — as the walls whispered “so is our code…”

The Crisp That Cried Gun

Students now avoid eating outside after practice.
Teachers report hearing faint crunching noises in the corridors at night — the unmistakable sound of digital guilt and leftover Cool Ranch dust.

Meanwhile, Baltimore’s local council has launched a review into the use of AI surveillance in schools, though early drafts of the report appear to have been auto-written by ChatGPT and end with “we apologise for the inconvenience.”

The principal insists everything is under control, but the janitor swears the school’s cameras still flicker every time someone opens a multipack.

Coming Soon: Doritos – The AI Awakening

In a move only 2025 could deliver, Doritos has announced a special Halloween tie-in:

Tactical Cool Ranch: Trick or Trigger Edition — each pack comes with a free “Do Not Aim at Police” disclaimer.

Marketing copy reads:

“Crunch so loud, even AI can’t ignore it.”

Final Scene

Back at school, the AI sits dormant — its red light blinking softly like a heart that doesn’t know it’s dead.

Every so often, it scans a hallway, sees movement, and remembers the night it nearly saved the world from a tortilla-based menace.

As for Taki Allen, he’s fine. He’s just sticking to Pringles now.
For safety.

You can read the full and true version of the story here.

Moral of the story:
This Halloween, beware the real monsters — not the ones in masks, but the ones in your school’s IT department.